learning about marriage

April 16, 2008 at 9:41 pm 6 comments

I thought I’d spend a second blogging about this thing we call “marriage” since we’ve been spending much of our time lately preparing for a wedding. It’s funny how people respond to the news that we’re getting hitched. People have surprisingly depressing sentiments about marriage – “The first year is the worst.” or “Marriage is hard.” Really? Thanks. That’s just about the equivalent to you telling me how much root canals hurt right before I go to get one.

In other words, married folks – time to put on your happy smiley we-love-marriage faces and tell us the truth: It’s going to be great. Or, if that’s not the truth, just fake us out for a while. We won’t know the difference until it’s too late.

All this discussion of what marriage is or is not has been sparked by our upcoming premarital counseling with the Pastor at my parent’s church. What on earth are we going to talk about? Is our main concern. And, based on the experiences of those that have tied the knot before us, it appears that we’ll be talking about anything from natural family planning (as in, all the gory details) to who will be responsible for taking out the trash. So, frankly, we’re not that psyched about it.

But! We’ve been studying. Enter: the marriage book that my aunt sent us. No, I’m not a big “self-help book” fan. No, I’m not convinced that everything in the book is dead-on. And, no, we’re not that worried about what the pastor is going to say. But, we’re intrigued enough to try to get a head start. So, here’s what we’ve learned:

  1. Marriage is hard – especially the first year. Yeah, okay, we get it already. Are you trying to talk us out of it or what?
  2. If you want something from your spouse, you have to tell them. So obvious it’s tricky, right? I think we’ve got this one down. Like when I say, “Get in the kitchen and cook me some dinner!” Pretty clear, no?
  3. Say yes. Why? Because if you say yes to helping your spouse, they’ll be more likely to say yes to you.
  4. Spend time together. Honestly, folks, we spend way too much time together. What we really need are hobbies or friends so we have something to actually talk about during all that together time.
  5. Budget. Yep, another secret to a good marriage (according to the book) is watching your cash. Something like 70% of people cite money as the biggest concern in their marriages. (Health concerns are second with 6% of married folks worrying about that).

So far, so good, right? I suspect we can handle it, even if you’re all trying to freak us out with your “marriage is hard” talk. Hard is a relative term anyways… like, are we talking “passing the 12th grade” hard? or “trapped under a rock need to cut off your arm to survive” hard?

Really, the only thing we don’t have thus far is a perpetual argument. You know, that one thing you argue and argue about but never can resolve? Yeah, sounds like we’re really missing out. -note the sarcasm-

And, barring any discussion of the female reproductive system, I think we’ll be okay on Saturday. And if we aren’t, at least we’re following our premarital counseling with some cake tasting. Nothing says happy wedding quite like cake.


Entry filed under: engagement.

House Project #2, Phase 1 He passed!

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Debbie  |  April 17, 2008 at 6:37 am

    Why do people try to worry you by telling you marriage is hard? You will face obstacles and they will only make you stronger, However, with any luck, the joys you will experience will far outway any problems.
    You both have a good sense of humor and that will definitely help to carry you through! Just remember to laugh!!!!!!!!!!
    My wish for you is that it is never more than who ate all the Swedish Fish hard. Good health & happiness for many years. We love you both!

  • 2. Debbie  |  April 17, 2008 at 6:39 am

    Have these people who tell you marriage will be hard met Jason? Just kidding , Jason!

  • 3. Jason  |  April 17, 2008 at 8:24 am

    Why are you reading when you should be doing my laundry?!

    BTW, this was a really lame post. Didn’t Barley do something funny or cute yesterday? Barley’s WAY more entertaining than premarital counseling.

  • 4. Amy  |  April 17, 2008 at 8:43 am

    I don’t think marriage necessarily is HARD. I think, like all relationships, some experiences are difficult or hard. I do think the biggest challenge with marriage is the transition to being part of a team rather than an independent agent. It’s all about how well you play on the team, what your role on the team is (uh – team manager, anyone??), and what kind of games your team plays. Yeah, I like this metaphor.

    You should try to find someone to give you the FOCCUS. (I think it’s Catholic, but it might be religious. Who knows?) It’s a personality test for engaged couples. It’s crazy, but, if anything, it will reaffirm your compatibility.

  • 5. D  |  April 17, 2008 at 3:12 pm

    HARD? nothing is hard once head and heart are “set” to the task. I can think of so many more descriptors…. Joyful, painful, forgetable, memorable and so on. For those that are saying it is HARD… they they give up too easy and for those that say it is a snap, well… misery loves company comes to mind.

    Laugh— everywhere BUT in the bed room and bath room!
    Setting expectations— Jason you play and Jen you clean up after him, this has worked well for your mom and I (remember hon, I said LAUGH!).

    Hard…. concete is hard! You’ll both do fine, seems like there is a ton of long term commitment support rolling around in the families.
    NIKE slogan said it best—- “just do it”

  • 6. GGG  |  April 17, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    I just love This!!!!!! after almost 53 years with your Grandfather I wouldn’t say marriage is hard, it’s very interesting. Never a dull moment and keeping your mouth shut till you count to ten (and sometimes 50) is a good thing. You both have a tremendous sense of humor, Hang on to that and it will be great!


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