he’s so pretty!

Last night, we were back in action at doggy school. Barley again was the dunce of the class, and again had to stay outside the ring while learning tricks. This week, I made Jason train him while I sat and watched. It was nice. Especially the part where one of the other ladies that was watching started chatting with me. She looked over at Barley and goes, “He’s so pretty!” and he looks back and starts wagging his tail. He’s such a funny dog.

The boys. I am so so so tempted to make a real dunce cap for Barley to wear to class.

He’s also recently taken to laying in the dirt piles around our house. He’s going to be seriously mad when we fill those in with flowers and mulch. Each day after work, JT or I (whoever gets home first) lets him out to do his business, only lately, he’s been running outside and plopping himself down in the dirt, and he’s happy to just lay there for hours.

He has so many nicknames: Lazy Dog. Dirty Dog. Sun Dog. (picture glammed up using picnik).

Another super-awesome thing he does is that he barks at all the sketchy people that come near our house. For example, one of our neighbors’ kids looks like he’s up to no good, and when his friends come over, they all admire our handsome doggy. They try to stick their hands through the fence to pet him. And that’s when Barley barks and growls to let them know that they should stay. the heck. away.

And R. Favorite? Barley hates him. A little back story: R. Favorite is the neighbor’s fence man (and yes, that is seriously his name). He seems like a nice enough guy, but -how do I put this nicely?- perhaps missing some of the normal social graces we’ve come to expect from anyone who is remotely sane. For example, there was this dialog (keep in mind we’ve only talked to this guy like twice before this):

SCENE: Jen’s parents are visiting for the weekend. It is Sunday evening, and after a long weekend of fence-building, Jason and Jen are putting the final touches on the front section of the fence, Jen is holding a level while Jason screws in the fence plank. Enter R. Favorite.

R.: Hey, you guys are in the medical field, right?

Jen: [slightly puzzled] umm… yeah.

R.: Well, you might be interested to know that I hold the Guinness Book World Record for largest kidney stone passed.

Jason: [Crippled with shock and amazement]

Jen: [Trying to be polite] Oh, really.

R.: Yeah, I’ve got another one growing right now!

Seriously. I am not making this up.

Anyways, we can’t really figure out what this guy’s deal is since he never shows up until after 4:30pm to work on the neighbor’s fence. We originally had him give us a quote for our fence. He came in at $5100. We did the project ourselves for about $700. But! When he quoted us, he had a little schedule and is scheduled like months in advance and also referred to his “team” or “crew” which, unless it consists of multiple personalities, we have yet to meet.

So, we don’t mind that Barley barks his head off when R. Favorite shows up. In fact, we try to encourage it.

doggy school dunces

The adventure at doggy school continued tonight. The good news is that we didn’t get kicked out OR sent to the $100/hour behaviorist. Only minimal growling was involved. Phew. No urine or vomit was excreted from Barley dogg tonight. Yes! And, Barley PAID ATTENTION TO ME. I mean, at first he was all, “hey! there’s a dog over there. and another dog there! and wait! I see the teacher… oh hey teacher! I know you have treats – I want TREATS! oh, but look there, check out that dog. and hey. that dog is really cool looking.” And I was all, “hey doooggggggggyyyy! Pay attention to me! Look at me! I am as exciting as those dogs!” And he was not having it. Not interested at all.

But then, a miracle happened, and that miracle was chicken. The substitute teacher handed me a few pieces of chicken, and Barley was like, “YOU ARE THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! I JUST WANT TO LOOK AT YOU! I WILL DO ANYTHING YOU ASK! I WILL TOUCH THAT METAL SPOON WITH MY NOSE! LAY DOWN? NO PROBLEM! JUMP THROUGH A RING OF FLAMES? ANYTHING FOR YOU AS LONG AS YOU’VE GOT CHICKEN IN YOUR DORK POUCH!” And then, I was playing it cool. I was all, “Yeah, I’m in charge, doggy. Whatever.” And it was amazing. Please send your chicken leftovers to us. They will be put to good use.

The bad news? We had to go do our training activities in the corner. Jason was kind enough to take a picture.

(note the dunce caps.  and Barley’s attentiveness – I must have had chicken in my dork pouch.  Also, I thought I would mention that I made this using www.picnik.com – it’s a free site that lets you mess with photos and is a million times easier than photoshop.)

the terrible twos?

Last night was a HORRIBLE night at doggy school… the worst one yet. Usually, Barley just does things that are a little annoying – less than perfect behavior. But last night! Oh! He went above and beyond annoying…

At first, he was just uber-distractable. As in, paid attention to everything BUT me, was NOT interested in treats. AT ALL. What dog does not want treats!? Instead, he was interested in the weimerener directly to our right. He kept staring at the dog, and the dog would whine back, which would only intensify Barley’s staring. Then, we started moving around the room, and Barley lost control. He was all barking and trying to get the weimerener’s attention and just being generally obnoxious and disruptive. After the THIRD barking incident, the teacher came over and told me that she wanted me to keep him in the corner, sitting, and just give him a treat any time he looked at me. For 30 minutes.

After class, all the other dogs left and we stayed to talk to the teacher. She said she’d give him another week in the class, but if he’s disruptive again next week, he’s kicked out of the class! She’ll refer him to their behaviorist! Crap.

I was so stressed out and pissed off by the end of class that I was almost in tears. Freaking dog can do his homework perfectly at home, but freaks out in public!?! Uggh. Ridiculous. The whole thing was ridiculous. (And since I made fun of my neighbor for crying about his cat last week, I feel even worse for being hypocritical. Who cries about a pet anyways!?)

The teacher did suggest, though, that maybe this is because he’s two and reaching maturity, so he’s trying to push the limits. Is this true? Anyone witness changes in their dog’s personality at age 2? Because I’m not sure that I buy it. I’m more inclined to think that there is just something about this weimerener that Barley finds interesting… he doesn’t seem interested in any of the other dogs in the class.

So, the dog is grounded this week. I think he knew we were mad last night, because he was just slinking around here after school… And, today, he emailed Jason to ask him to pick up the new Death Cab for Cutie CD for me, since they are my favorite and the new CD came out today. He’s trying to show me that he’s sorry!

Jason must have felt bad about everything, too (he was there to witness my frustration last night), because he came home with flowers and swedish fish! And I LOVE flowers and swedish fish! So thoughtful!

support group needed

Last night, JT was feeling a bit tired from our weekend activities and mentioned that he’d like to stay home from doggy school for the evening. “Sure” I said, “no big deal.”

Look at the attention I command when I wear my training pouch! The pouch has 2 functions: it holds Barley’s training treats and makes me look like a complete dork. I didn’t want to get one, but Barley complained that he was embarrassed in front of the other kids in school when I walked around with his treats in a plastic baggy.

So I rounded up my dork pouch, treats for Barley, and Barley’s leash, and Barley and I headed to doggy school. We got there early and Barley was pretty good… he just sat and watched the other dogs while they finished up their lessons. One of last session’s instructors, Ken, was there with his dog and we let the dogs sniff each other. No problem.

At the beginning of class, Barley was a good boy – again sitting and watching the other dogs. We marched around in front of the other dogs again this week, and even that went better than last week (no tripping or puking). All was excellent. Until we started doing an exercise where we had to walk dogs in a circle around cones, posts, and chairs. Barley decided he needed to mark every. single. cone. and. post. we walked around. Uggh. I had to simultaneously hold the dog, mop up urine, and warn other dog owners to avoid the area. Three different times! In 3 minutes!

After we got over that, things were going smoothly. Barley was super-attentive last night, and was catching on to all of the commands really quickly. I was so impressed. We learned a new hand gesture for sit, and the first few times Barley thought I was telling him to lay down, because he plopped right down and looked up at me like, “I did it! Give me a treat!” He was all proud of himself. And it made me giggle. But, after a few tries, he even caught on to that. I was so proud!

But then… Enter Loverboy and Mrs. Loverboy. In previous weeks, Barley had taken an interest in Loverboy and tracked his every move. So I had been trying to avoid Loverboy and the Mrs. during class to keep Barley focused on me, and not the other dog. But, similar to other weeks, Mrs. Loverboy brings Loverboy over and positions herself and her dog right next to Barley and I. For a while, Barley successfully ignored the Loverboys. But then! Mrs. Loverboy leans over and sneaks Barley some treats, then asks him to smooch her. “Pitties are such sweethearts!” she mentions, and she should know since she has previously fostered several of them. THEN, SHE CURSES US: “Barley doesn’t seem at all interested in Loverboy tonight!” OH CRAP. “Yeah, he’s been really focused tonight, he’s really paying attention to me.” I reply. “But I shouldn’t say that, because I’m probably cursing myself.” Not even 2 minutes later, we’re standing and receiving instruction from the teacher when Barley looks over and starts barking at Loverboy. Suddenly, he wants to play with Loverboy more than anything else in the whole world. And I am trying with all my might to keep him from playing. The teacher even has to intervene at one point to get him to quiet down, which is a good thing, because at this point I look ridiculous struggling with my big old barking dog.

This is hugely embarrassing on several levels. First, at this obedience school, dogs DO NOT bark. Or make noise. Period. I haven’t figured out why that is… but when your dog starts barking, all eyes are on you. I could feel the stares. And it wasn’t great. Second, my dog is the only mutt in the class. He’s already like a second-class citizen. Because not only will my dog ever be entered in a dog show, he certainly did not come with papers describing his lineage. (We were informed when we adopted him, though, that he is a “status symbol” – so take that AKC-registered dog owners). And, third, he’s part pitbull. And we all know what a bad rap pitbulls have. So even though I know he’s playing (his tail was wagging!), I’m not sure everyone else did, and I can only imagine that their thoughts were, “oh look! another rowdy pitbull.” And Barley and I are very sensitive about sentiments like that. Poor doggy.

After that excitement, the rest of the class went smoothly, and his teacher even used him as an example. But I’m really starting to feel like between the vomit, urine, and barking, that it might be time for an obedience school support group. Either that or a stiff drink.

that’s me – the idiot with the dog

As mentioned about a million times already, we’re trying to train the dog. One of the best things that we’re going to train him to do is to walk next to us, instead of in front of us. So far it’s been hit or miss. For example, last week he was so good that I took off the gentle leader and he did great. Today, not so much.

He still wants to sniff every single dog we pass, and the instructors at his school suggest that somehow, I need to be more enticing than other dogs. So I’m all <in an enthusiastic voice> “here boy! here! hey! hey you! puppy! big doggy! over here! hi! yo! look at me!” and really, the only looks I’m getting are from anyone – and everyone – in the immediate area. Other dog still beats out Jen in the what-is-more-enticing contest.

Finally, about 2/3 of the way through the walk, he gets tired and gives up. A little. But he’s still scanning the horizon for other doggies he can sniff, and I am dreading approaching dogs, because, really, that just means I make an idiot of myself all over again.

One fun part of his homework, though, is the part where we test his sit-stay abilities. It’s kind of awesome, because you get to dance in front of your sitting-staying dog. Until the neighbors walk by and see the crazies dancing while the dog watches. Then, it’s back to idiot-with-a-dog status.